Join This Site

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Dating a Abang Mata Biru

picture from google. the closest to his look i can find. 

D : "can we date ? "

That words. That words which I had always imagine I could hear from a man with sparkling blue eyes, nice blond hair and beautiful abs. Well what do i expect from a man who religiously went to the gym every 6.00 am in the morning and feel good just because of his good gym session. I mean he has a good package. He is an engineer, he love riding superbike, he is decent, he have the look that I'm well pleased to see and definitely a good physical outlook. Not just good but superb (hey, 6 packs!) but I chocked for the answer. My mind running fast even my breathing went too weak. 

Me : " I... I dont date. "

That words. From me. Ah, no! I just declined his dating proposal !

Me : I mean, its depend on your dating definition. How you define dating ?

D : Go out, watch movie, food, drink, etc . You ?

Me : Owh..well then its pretty much the same. Minus the skinship.

D : Skinship ? What is that ?

Me : Its... well.. physical contact

D : Owh ! I just googled it. It says no hand-holding.

Me : Yeah. Right. Its a broken english word rooted from Korea.

D : Fair enough ! We can always be friends. Can we go out to the town ?

Me : Yeah we can always be friend ! Town ? Sure. We are friends anyway.

And we  definitely did not hang out. Its me, him. We are both human. We are both do attracted to each other but we are not willing to lose something which we have believe in. That belief either it is a religion or not (sustainable life, green living, open sexuality as a form of pleasure and so natural, hipster, vegan etc) , that belief shape us. Shaped our life. Even if you are born Muslim but if you believe that drinking alcohol is okay then you'll live your life not according to Islam and yet you still claim you'are Muslim. I remembered an English friend told me about his Muslim friends who addicted to alcohol. I was ashamed by that and when he asked why. I said his action make it harder for me to explain about Islam. He told me :

J : Maybe, he loves Allah Iman but he loves alcohol too.

He is right. I dont want to judge anyone.

We see a lot of diversities in this world even in Islam itself. Either you are born Muslim or non-Muslim you should always seek for the truth. By saying this, what I mean is, even I was born Muslim, I find it very hard to understand certain practices by the society which they claimed as Islamic, but as I studied Islam again, based on the hadith and Quran, purely from that sources, I found out all those things which I once doubted were not even Islamic. Its bida'ah (things which been added over time but not even practiced by the Prophet s.a.w and bida'ah is worst than not doing the right thing. because bida'ah you feel good doing it as if you're right). What is worst is when we dont even understand the Quran ! We dont know what Allah was telling us. We know nothing but words and words where we dont even know where those words came from. Quran is made for everyone. Everyone can understand it. You read, if you dont understand then ask from those who studied Quranic Arabic or who studied Quran. 

Even I was born as a Muslim, when I was in my teenage years I always confused with things. With all the diversities. I prayed to God to guide me through. I found Quran and Hadith and these two things are the cure for almost everything happen to me. That are the most valuable thing I had ever known. The words from Allah and the beloved Prophet. When I studied Quran then I realized Jesus is well respected in Islam. He is one of our Prophets. I was raised in a situation where the word Jesus was so taboo. Not among my small family members but the outside of my own house. My father read books (Quran and Gospel/ Injil) meanwhile the society was so scared of the Gospel/Injil and he always respected all the Prophets. He stressed on the akhlak/characteristics. Islam is a way of life. Its not a two separate things between world and hereafter,but by living well in this world according to the book : Quran , we'll live well in the hereafter. Being raised in Kelantan, a state where people hated UMNO/BN so much I always wonder why people are being that way ? 

How someone who are so pious can say bad words to others ? 

Why some pious people were so sharp with how they treat others ? 

Why a person who tried to look as the most pious as they could but backbites others ? 

Then later I realize, it is not the problem with their choice of clothing, not at all but their mentality. For them the outlook is more important until they outweighed the importance of having a good character. By this, it will not make everyone who wear pious clothing in the wrong side, but some of these people have got the wrong perception about Islam. 

Well, its the same thing for those who outweighed the character more than other practices such as hijab, aurat, type of food you eat, prayer etc etc. 

Among us, who are already a Muslim. We too still need to find the Truth and it is a struggle to practice all the guidelines. Yes it is a struggle. Even I'm preaching here I definitely know and admit that I myself is a sinner. I sinned! I'm not perfect. I sinned and I repent. I learned and yet sometimes I did it again then repent again. 

Living in a non Islamic country, met many types of Muslim and non Muslim inc atheist, Jews and Christian, the more I need to find the truth and keep on checking if my Truth is really the Truth ?

How do you know a certain type of food is really not halal ?

How do you know less than 5% of alcohol in food is considered halal ? or is it not ?

How do you react when another Muslim told you they only pray 3 times a day ?

Or when someone came and said : are you listening to music ? thats haraam !

Or what you gonna do when a Muslim says its okay to drink alcohol as long as he dont drink too much/ he is not drunk ?

How do you know which is true ? Definitely staying here I need to dig and dig and dig for the truth. Thanks Lord, truth is there in the Quran and Hadith ! Differences. It is there. Still there.

Alhamdulillah I'm still Iman, the more I met various kind of people the stronger my faith (Iman) is. There are things I can learn from them :) But how sad, there werent anything they could learn from me.... 

I wish I can live in a world where Jews, Christian and Islam will come back all together. God said, Muhammad s.a.w is the last Prophet, he was in this world to approved of the previous religion (Jesus's teaching) and by that his teaching will outlaw the previous teaching. It is that easy, but we are living in a world where resources had been changed for political purposes. From the 4 main bibles now we have more and more bibles published. I have more atheist friends here in UK even they said they were baptized as Christian. 

"And We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad], the Book in truth, confirming that which preceded it of the Scripture and as a criterion over it. So judge between them by what Allah has revealed and do not follow their inclinations away from what has come to you of the truth. To each of you We prescribed a law and a method. Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good. To Allah is your return all together, and He will [then] inform you concerning that over which you used to differ." Quran 5:48

"O you who have believed, do not take the Jews and the Christians as allies. They are [in fact] allies of one another. And whoever is an ally to them among you - then indeed, he is [one] of them. Indeed, Allah guides not the wrongdoing people." Quran 5:51

What is wrong with the Jews and Christian. I read the bibles, both Torah and Gospel. There were small diversion related to prophet hood (the Jews did not accept Jesus as the Messiah/Prophet) and Christian accused Jesus to be the God. Whereas in most of other parts such as food and drinking and relationship between men and women are pretty much the same except that the Jews are very strict meanwhile as for the Gospels (careful in which Gospel version you referred to) its pretty loose. Quran called Jews as arrogant people who hid the truth from others. While Christian as the people who are lost but very compassionate and kind. Well, true! 

J-Anne : I believe there is one God, and I believe there is after life... but I dont know which religion is the truth... 

That was the words from my previous housemate. I still remembered because it is a living proof that I did not teach her about Islam as she is still a person who dont know what to believe in up until now. 

What else ? I do have a friend in a relationship with a Jews (but I think he is a Zionist) and they are having problem becuase both dont want to change their religion. Well its not gonna be easy to raise a family with a broken foundation. But i pray that both will be guided plus she is a good girl tho. 

Last but not least :

"for you, why cant you be Muslim when your character is very much like a Muslim ? May God bless you" 

your LIKE is my motivation, thank you ;) and press LIKE of you want MORE too :)

Friday, 10 October 2014

What Do You Want ?

Have you ever experience a moment of confusion ? Like all of a sudden your plan crash and you don't know what is the priority anymore. Like a sudden change in your desire or what you want in life ? 

Or maybe it just a norm ? 

(wandering through random street in Mykonos Island, Greece. If you didnt try then you wouldnt know! but know that every steps you take it comes with a risk) 

Like a good research does not necessarily need to follow the plan accurately (that is what i read) . Your knowledge and findings will change it somehow. So can I compare this life with my research ? Maybe isnt it ? 

Or maybe you still could not catch up with what i'm trying to say ? 

Well look at me. I'm a phD student. I used to be a PTD. I used to work with my father in his factory right after I graduated (including some part time herbalife distributor and some part time gym instructor due to my obsession with Herbalife at that time) . I used to apply for Architecture and Structural Degree in Sheffield but a month before I enrolled I changed the course to Electric and Electronic Engineering. Then after 2 weeks enrollment I did think of changing my course again to Architecture ! But I didnt. I'm not sure either it is a good thing or not but it had happen so no point of regretting or over thinking about it. I'm happy nevertheless. 

I worked with my father but after went trough the process for a year, I thought I dont want to proceed. I want another experience. So I grabbed the chance to be a PTD ( I've got the job offer before I graduated) but was called by the government to start working 8 months after I graduated. I was so interested in politic and managing the country but I have no idea about the bureaucracy and how things work. It was such a very interesting experience BUT it is yet not what I 100% want so I decided to change my life condition again. 

Here I am, doing phD and a part time writer.

Walla ! I am happy and I think this is what I was looking for.

But cant you see how many big decision/life changing decision I have made so far ? Or let say how many choices I have made but they were not 100% satisfying ? Bad choices ? Is there is any bad choices in life ? Perhaps but if you didn't do it you wouldn't know the outcome. You wouldn't learn. You wouldn't understand yourself better. Life itself is a learning process. Its not about either it is right or wrong.

My life were always at risk. At risk of making the wrong decision. I have read from Richard Branson books, he said life is full of risks. It is not about avoiding risk but how you evaluate each risks before making a decision of which one you should choose.

What is the risk ? How it can effect you ? How to avoid it ? How to overcome it ? What will gain from it ?

And to make the best evaluation is to be honest with yourself !

And once you have chosen something, you have the responsibility to make it work. Performing badly because you dont like your choice is not a sign that it might not be suitable for you. Bad performance is highly related to how you approach things in life including your habits and personality. BUT if you have tried your best and have attained success in that arena but yet still am not happy, that is a sign that maybe it just not for you. Changes is good sometimes. !

And for the Muslims, it is very important to make istikharah - which means asked God's guidance before making the choice. If you already have the answer deep down your heart I'm afraid istikharah might not work for you, but maybe you can do solat hajat to ask Allah to bring goods in your choice.

note : well yeah me too need motivation. that is why I write. sometimes its a bit confusing between 'i'm 28 now should I get married before I'm 30' or 'do I want marriage ?' or it just a peer pressure due to my age but it is not what I want yet ? So defining WHAT YOU WANT is highly important right ?

Lots of Love,

your LIKE is my motivation, thank you ;) and press LIKE of you want MORE too :)