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Saturday, 12 September 2015

Dia Si Gadis 'Unicorn' Part 2

Dia Si Gadis Unicorn 2

Esoknya  Irina  sudah  ke  pejabat. Langsung  tidak  mengendahkan  nasihat  Ray  supaya  dia  mengambil  cuti. Matanya  tertancap  pada  skrin  komputer. Menganalisa  data  prestasi  bahan  bangunan  yang  dia  sedang  bangunkan  kini. Campuran  beberapa  bahan  berlainan  di  lapiskan  bersama  dengan  ketebalan  berbeza  untuk  menghasilkan  dinding  bangunan  yang  lebih  tahan  haba, tahan  lama  dan  ringan. Dia  bertanggungjawab  di  peringkat  reka  bentuk  yang  mana   melibatkan  software  khusus. Prestasi  haba  bahan  dapat  dia  jangka  melalui  kiraan  yang  dibuat  oleh  software  tersebut. Projek itu  baru  sahaja  dia  mulakan  dan  dia  pasti  ia  dapat  membantu  meningkat  prestasi  bangunan  di  negara  ini. Cumanya  di  sini  kebanyakan  kotraktor  lebih  selesa  dengan  teknologi  lama  dan  agak  takut  dengan  pembaharuan.

‘ Awak  kerja  kuat. Perlu  makan  makanan  berkhasiat… Jangan  lupa, mata  awak  pun  perlukan  rehat  setiap  10  minit… ’
Irina  tersentak. Suara  Ray  semalam  terngiang - ngiang  di  telinganya. Dia  perhatikan  jam  di  komputer. Sudah  2  jam  dia  duduk  mengahadap  kerja. Langsung  dia  tidak  perasan. Irina  bangun  meregangkan  urat, berjalan  ke  tingkap  kaca  dan  memerhatikan  bangunan-bangunan  pencakar  langit  yang  tumbuh  bagaikan  cendawan  di  tengah  kota  raya  Kuala  Lumpur.

‘ Hidup…. Bagaikan  satu  pertandingan… Yang  lemah  di  pijak  tapi  yang  dipijak  tidak  akan  selamanya  lemah… ’ Bisik  Irina  sendiri. Manusia  yang  bersesak  di  bawah  diperhatikan  olehnya. Pada  Irina,  dia  sudah  biasa  memaksa  diri  bekerja  kuat  sedari  dia  kecil.. Sejarah  hidupnya  membuatkan  dia  sangat  berhati-hati  mempercayai  manusia  lain. Pada  dia  hatta  keluarga  sendiri  pun  belum  tentu  boleh  dia  percayai. Sejak  dulu  lagi  dia  sebatang  kara. Ayah  meninggal  sewaktu  dia  seusia  4  tahun. Apabila  ayahnya  tiada, dia  ditinggalkan  oleh  ibunya  di  bawah  jagaan  arwah  nenek. Manakala  ibu  pula  ke  Kuala  Lumpur  mencari  kerja. Tahun  pertama  ibu  selalu  pulang  ke  kampong  menjengahnya, tapi  lama  kelamaan  pulangnya  hanya  sekali  setahun. Apabila  ibu  mula  berkahwin  lain , tiada  lagi  khabar  berita  dari  ibu. Yang  ada  cuma  kiriman  wang  kepadanya  saban  bulan  hingga  dia  menginjak  15  tahun. Irina  ketap  bibir. Dia  benci  bila  bayangan  lama  mula  datang  menyentuh  kotak  memorinya.

‘ Tok…Tok… ’  bunyi  ketukan  di  pintu  biliknya  mengembalikan  Irina  pada  realiti  kehidupan.
‘ Jangan  ingat  lagi  Irina. ’ bisik  hati  kecilnya  seraya  dia  menyuruh  orang  yang  mengetuk  masuk. Zetty  setiausaha  kepada  Ray  menjengah  masuk. “ Cik  Irina, bos  panggil  ke  bilik. ”

Zetty  tunggu  di  pintu  memaksa  Irina  untuk  terus  bangun  mengekorinya. Kenapa ? Ada  tugasan  barukah ? Tak  mungkin. Bahagian  ‘product  development’  semuanya  dikendalikan  oleh  dirinya  seorang. Irina  jenis  yang  tidak  banyak  bercakap. Langsung  dia  tidak  tanyakan  pada  Zetty. Dia  hanya  bangun  dan  terus  ke  sana  bersama  telefon  pintarnya. Usai  sampai  Ray  memberikan  isyarat  supaya  Zetty  meninggalkan  dia  dan  Irina.

Wajah  Irina  yang  tidak  beremosi  ditatap  oleh  Ray. Dia  ketap  bibir  menahan  tawa. Serius  je  muka  Irina  bila  di  pejabat. Ray  buat  muka  serius  juga.

“ Duduk. ” Arah  Ray  dengan  wajah  serius  sepertimana  Irina. Irina  terus  duduk  tanpa  banyak  bicara. Menunggu  butir  bicara  daripada  lelaki  yang  membantunya  semalam. Mata  bundar  Irina  dengan  wajah  polosnya  buatkan  Ray  hampir  tesenyum  tapi  dia  berjaya  menahannya. Satu  beg  kertas  dibawa  keluar  oleh  Ray  dan  diletakkan  di  atas  meja. Irina  memerhatikan  dengan  wajah  pelik. Bertambah  pelik  apabila  Ray  mengeluarkan  2  bekas  kedap  udara. Satu  dihulurkan  kepada  Irina  dan  satu  lagi  diletakkan  di  hadapannya. Dengan  wajah  yang  masih serius  dia  memberikan  arahan, “ Saya  nak  awak  makan  bekal  yang  saya  bawakan  ni. ”

Belum  sempat  Irina  bersuara  Ray  terlebih  dahulu  menjampuk, “ Ehem. Jangan  banyak  cakap. Saya  minta  awak  makan  je. Semuanya  halal  dan  toyyiban. Saya  sendiri  yang  sediakan. ”

Merekah  senyuman  Irina  walaupun  masih  ada  tanda  tanya  dalam  riak  wajahnya. Irina  buka  penutup  bekas. Ada  beberapa  biji  tomato  ceri, lobak  merah, sayuran  hijau  dan  ayam  bakar  yang  disusun  dalam bentuk  senyuman. Irina  pandang  wajah  Ray  bagaikan  tidak  percaya.

“ Terima  kasih  Encik  Ray. ”

Ray  senyum  tenang. Bahagia.  “Sama-sama  kasih. ”

Irina  bundarkan  mata. Riaknya  bukan  marah, tetapi  confuse.

‘Mungkin  Irina  ni  nerd  sangat  sampai  dia  bergurau  pun  dia  tak  faham,’ bisik  Ray  dalam  hati. 
“ Kan  berkasih  sayang  sesama  manusia  tu  amalan  yang  baik  ? ”

“ Owh… ” Lurus  bendul  Irina  mengangguk. “ Betul  tu.” Irina  senyum  lebar. Bersetuju.

Kemudian  lama  lagi  Irina  diam. Khusyuk  makan. Irina  bagaikan  pesakit  schizophrenia, dia  luar  lain , di  pejabat  lain. Kalau  bergurau  pun  dia  buat  tak  tahu. Ray  perah  otak  berfikir, apa  lagi  yang  dia  nak  bualkan  dengan  si cantik  pandai  depan  mata  ni.

“ Irina…  ”

“ Hmm ? ” Sambil  menunggu  apa  yang  CEOnya  nak  cakap  si  Irina  kemaskan  sudu  garfu  yang  dia  guna. Cepat  sahaja  dia  makan. Dia  tidak  selesa  makan  di  bilik  bos. Tambah  pula  bekal  yang  bos  bawa. Tidak  professional  pada  dia.

“ Lah, dah  siap  makan ? ”

“ Dah. Dah  30  minit  Encik  Ray. Lunch  hour  sejam  je  kan? Saya  nak  buat  air  di  pantry  dan solat…. Tak  elok  curi  tulang,  rezeki  tak  berkat. ” Irina  senyum  ikhlas. Ray  dah  tak  mampu  nak  balas  apa-apa. Nak  main  suruh-suruh, nak  kenakan  Irina  macam  dalam  drama  cinta  bos  dengan  pekerja ? Hah, memang  tidak  lah. Perempuan  yang  dia  nak  tackle  ni  ‘unicorn’, bukan  calang-calang ! Akhirnya, dia  hanya  mampu  pandang  sahaja  Irina  bangun  berlalu. 

" Terima  kasih  sekali  lagi  Encik  Ray. Bekal  ni  saya  basuhkan, dan  esok  saya  bawakan  bekal  untuk  kita  berdua  ya? "

Irina  nak  masak  untuk  dia  ke? Kekecewaan  Ray  terus  terubat.

" Sure. "

Ray  balas  dengan  wajah  sama  serius  macam  Irina, tapi  dalam  hati.... Tuhan  sahaja  yang  tahu  betapa  berbunga-bunga  harapannya ! 

Yay! Sorak  Ray  dalam  hati. 

p/s: hehe tak  sangka  pula  ramai  yang  baca. tetiba  rasa  semangat  nak  menulis  balik. lols. thank you for the support  guys! dan  cerita  Eve /Iman  tujukan  pada  gadis-gadis  diluar  sana  yang  masih  single  mingle  walaupun  dah  cecah  usia  30s. fairy  tales  tak  kira  whats  your  age, and  in fact  kalau  kat  sini (UK) 30s  is  like  the  best  age  for  the  women. we  are  more  mature, more  stable  and  in  fact  we  are  at  the  peak  of  understanding  beauty ! So keep  it  up  all  the  women  out  there. 



Thursday, 27 August 2015

Dia Si Gadis Unicorn Part 1

Dia Si Gadis ‘Unicorn’ Part 1

Straight face. Emotionless. All business. ” Figura  gadis  bernama  Irina  diperhatikan  oleh  Ray. Irina  yang  selalu  lewat  ke  pejabat  tapi  langsung  tidak  pernah  menunjukkan  riak  bersalah. Rakan  sepejabat  yang  lain  mendaftarkan  diri  seawal  8.30  pagi  tetapi  Irina  tetap  dengan  waktunya  sendiri, 10.00  pagi. Ray  terpacak  di  hadapan  pintu  biliknya. Menunggu  Irina  berjalan  melepasi  dirinya, empunya  syarikat  tersebut.

Lenggok  Irina  gaya  model. Jalannya  bukan  menggoda  tapi  penuh  keyakinan. Wajahnya  tiada emosi. Pandangannya  lurus  ke  depan. Hinggakan  dia  selaku  bos  pun  Irina  tidak  pernah  perasan  yang  dia  berdiri  di  hadapan  biliknya  hampir  setiap  pagi  memerhatikan  kelewatan  gadis  tersebut.

“ Irina ”

Akhirnya  Ray  menegur. Sudah  sebulan  Ray  dilantik  menjadi  CEO  di  situ. Dia  dilantik  oleh  pemilik  syarikat  kerana  kredibiliti  yang  dia  ada. Dia  sendiri  pun  digaji  dan  dia  sentiasa  tepati  masa. Atas  dasar  tersebut  dia  terpanggil  untuk  menegur  Irina  walaupun  selama  ini  kelewatan  Irina  tidak  pernah  menjadi  kudis  kepada  pemilik  syarikat.

Irina  terhenti. Tajam  matanya  memerhatikan  Ray. Menganalisa.

‘Robot. ’ Bisik  Ray  dalam  hati. Irina  tak  ubah  seperti  robot. Langsung  tidak  beriak  seperti  manusia. Belum  sempat  Ray  membuka  mulut  Irina  terlebih  dahulu  bersuara.

“ Something  unsettling. Ada  sesuatu  yang  Encik  Ray  tidak  suka  dengan  saya  tetapi  serba  salah  untuk  memberitahu ? ” Irina  senyum  herot. Senyum  gaya  bijak  pandai  yang  baru  sahaja  dapat  menyelesaikan  satu  soalan  penting. Ray  yang  ingin  bersuara  terus  tidak  jadi  bersuara. Terdiam. Nafasnya  dihembus  pasrah. Dia  memberikan  isyarat  supaya  Irina  mengikutinya  ke  dalam  bilik. Betul  kata  Tuan  Cheng, Irina  gadis  unicorn. Gadis  yang  sukar  untuk  ditemui.  Pekerja  yang  sangat  disayangi  oleh  pemilik  syarikat  atas  prestasinya, atas  kepanadaiannya. Irina  gadis  genius.

‘ Irina. Dia  harta  syarikat. Jaga  dia  baik-baik  jangan  sampai  ada  sebab  untuk  dia  tinggalkan  syarikat  kita. ’ Itu  pesan  Tuan  Cheng  sebelum  lelaki  itu  menyerahkan  tugasan  CEO  kepadanya.

Say  it. ” Terus  dia  ditembak  si  gadis  unicorn  dengan  arahan  tepat. Dia  pula  yang  terasa  gugup  berhadapan  dengan  gadis  tersebut.

“ Sekarang  pukul  berapa ? ”

Irina  perhatikan  jam  di  dinding  bilik  CEO nya  itu.

“ 10.05 am. Shoot  it  Mr  Ray. 5  minutes.  You  are  wasting  five  minute  of  our  time.

Ray  menelan  liur. Pandangan  Irina  bukan  seperti  pandangan  gadis  lain. Wajahnya  walaupun  tiada  emosi, ia  cukup  menarik  perhatian. Dia  percaya  ramai  jejaka  yang  menelan  liur  mahukan  Irina  tetapi  sesiapa  sahaja  yang  memerhatikan  anak  matanya  akan  terus  jatuh  gugup. Bijak, cantik, berdikari, yakin, athletic. Semua  sifat  ada  pada  Irina  kecuali  satu, emosi. Irina  tiada  emosi.

“ Dan  awak  Cik  Irina, lambat  satu  jam  35  minit. ” Tegas  suara  Ray  tapi  wajah  Irina  tetap  tidak  beremosi.

“ Encik  Ray. Sila  semak  kontrak  kerja  saya. Bagaimana  saya  dibayar  untuk  bekerja ? Saya  tidak  dibayar  untuk  hanya  wujud  di  pejabat  pada  waktu-waktu  tertentu. I  was  hired  for  my skill  on  technical  issues  and  it  is  based  on  work  load  basis. I  don’t  even  need to  be  here  at  the  first  place  if  there  isn’t  any  workload  for  me. So  can  I  leave  now ? Anyway  please  check  on  our  term  and  agreement  first  before  pointing this out.” Irina  senyum  profesianal  walaupun  ayat  yang  dikeluarkan  cukup  pedas  menusuk  ke  telinga  Ray. “ Ta—da. ” Irina  berjalan  keluar. Ray  terdiam.

“ Sombong  gila  minah  ni. ” Usai  itu  juga  Ray  panggil  ketua  bahagian  pengurusan  sumber  manusia  bertanyakan  kontrak  kerja  Irina. Habisnya  dia  malu  sendiri. Irina  merupakan  saintis  di  Sweden  yang  punyai  kepakaran  dalam  rekaan  bahan  bangunan  berkualiti  tinggi. Berkelulusan  phD  dalam  material. Sepatutnya  Irina  dipanggil  Dr  Irina… Tuan  Cheng  yang  memujuk  Irina  bekerja  dengan  mereka  itupun  dengan  imbuhan  saham  syarikat  sebanyak  12.5%  dan  waktu  kerja  yang  sangat  fleksibel  atas  permintaan  Irina. Mungkin  disebabkan  oleh  Irina  jarang  sekali  bergaul  dengan  rakan  kerjanya  yang  lain  membuatkan  ramai  yang  tidak  tahu  kedudukan  sebenar. Bila  disemak, 60%  daripada  produk  syarikat  adalah  hasil  daripada  rekaan  Irina  sendiri  dan  hasil  kerjanya  bersama  rakan  saintis  lain  daripada  institut  penyelidikan  di  Sweden.

Pandangan  Ray  terhadap  Irina  terus  berubah. Dia  Dr  Irina. Gadis  berusia  33 tahun. Salah  seorang  pemilik  saham  syarikat. Gadis  yang  wajar  dia  kagumi  dan  hormati  walaupun  lagaknya  bagaikan  robot  yang  tiada  perasaan. Mungkin  sebab  itulah  Irina  masih  membujang. Dirinya  tak  ubah  seperti  robot  yang  luarannya  sempurna  tapi  dalamannya  kosong.

******************

Balik  sahaja  daripada  makan  malam, Ray  kembali  ke  pejabat. Selaku  CEO  baharu  banyak  yang  perlu  dia  pelajari  mengenai  syarikat  tersebut. Dia  tidak  kisah  untuk  bekerja  lebih  masa  asalkan  prestasi  kerjanya  terjaga. Suasana  sudah  agak  sunyi. Ray  menunggu  sendiri  di  hadapan  pintu  lif  dari  tempat  meletakkan  kenderaan  bawah  tanah. Sempat  dia  bersiul  girag  sambil  menyanyi  lagu  cinta. Bila  pintu  lif  terbuka  terpempan  figura  ‘gadis  unicorn’, Dr  Iris. Irina  Nampak  agak  lesu. Senyumannya  juga  tampak  lesu  di  mata  Ray  tapi  masing-masing  tidak  bersuara. Iris  tidak  banyak  cakap  seperti  biasa. Dia  hanya  melemparkan  senyum  nipis  sebelum  berlalu  keluar. Belum  sempat  pintu  lif  tertutup  Ray  sempat  melihat  Iris  terjelepuk  ke  lantai  seperti  pengsan.

“ Irina ! ” Laju  Ray  keluar  daripada  lif  dan  berlari  ke  arah  Irina  yang  sudah  terbaring  lesu  di  lantai  bangunan. Ray  pandang  kiri  kanan  cuba  mencari  bantuan  tetapi  keadaan  sunyi  tiada  manusia  lain  melainkan  mereka  berdua. Badan  Irina  di  peluknya  erat  seraya  tangannya  cuba  menepuk  pipi  si  gadis  tetapi  Iris  benar-benar  tidak  sedarkan  diri.

“ Irina…. Irina…. ” Beberapa  kali  nama  Irina  dia panggil  tetapi  Irina  tetap  longlai  di  pangkuannya. Ray  ketap  bibir. Serba  salah. Apa  dia  nak  buat ? Tak  kan  nak  angkat  Irina  ke   ofis ? Atau  nak  hantarkan  Irina  balik  ke  rumah ? Tapi  dia  tidak  tahu  di  mana  rumah  Irina. Akhirnya  Ray  angkat  tubuh  Irina  ke  keretanya. Dia  baringkan  Irina  di  kerusi  belakang, longgarkan  tudung  Irina  supaya  ada  pengudaraan  dan  membasahkan  wajah  Irina  dengan  tuala  basah  tetapi  Irina  masih   lagi  tidak  sedarkan  diri.

Apa  masalah  Irina ? Sakitkah  dia ? Bertubi-tubi  persoalan  yang  berlegar  di  fikiran   Ray. Bila  Irina  masih  tidak  menunjukkan  progress  Ray  memutuskan  untuk  membawa  Irina  ke  hospital. Mana  lah  tahu  Irina  ada  penyakit ?

*********

Pandangannya  agak  kabur  bila  dia  mula  membuka  mata. Bunyi  suara  seorang  lelaki  dan  perempuan  jelas  di  sebelahnya. Siapa ? Di  manakah  dia ?

“ Saya  tak  kenal  keluarga  Cik  Irina… Dia  bekerja  di  tempat  saya. ” Irina  pandang  figura  lelaki  yang  sedang  bercakap  dengan  wanita  berbaju  kot  putih  kelihatan  seperti  seorang  doktor. “ Tak  apalah  doktor, saya  tunggu  sampai  dia  sedar. ”

“ Kita  dah  masukkan  air  ke  dalam  badan  Cik  Irina… Rasanya  tak  lama  lagi  dia  akan  sedar. Eloknya  berikan  dia  rehat, mungkin  dia  agak  tertekan  atau  kurang  aktiviti  luar. ”

“ Okay  doktor. Terima  kasih. ”

Lelaki  yang  bersuara  sejak  tadi  berpaling  ke  arahnya. Ray. CEOnya. Macam  mana  dia  ada  dengan  Ray ? Ray  yang  bawa  dia  ke  sini ? Ah  malunya  dia. Pasti  Ray  yang  mengangkatnya. Terasa  merah  membahang  wajahnya  bila  membayangkan  perkara  tersebut.

“ Irina…. Glad  that  you’re  awake. ” Ray  senyum  lebar. Senyuman  lelaki  kacukan  cina  dan  Punjab  sangat  menawan  pada  mata  Irina. Bukan  kerana  kekacakannya  tetapi  kerana  keikhlasannya  dan  sifat  penyabarnya  sedari  dia  mula  masuk  bekerja. Irina  tahu  dirinya  dipandang  agak  sombong  oleh  kebanyakan  orang  tetapi  Ray  Nampak  sabar  menghadapi  perangainya. Irina  senyum  nipis  tapi  penuh  ikhlas. Sedikit  sebanyak  tembok  emosinya  mula  terurai.

“ Terima  kasih  Encik  Ray. ”

Ray  duduk  di  sebelahnya. Senyumannya  masih  manis  seperti  tadi.

Small  matter  Dr  Irina. Luckily  I  saw  you. Awak  tahu  tak  apa  jadi  dengan  awak ? ”

Irina  mengerutkan  dahinya. Berfikir. Kenapa ? Dia  tahu  badannya  agak  penat  dek  kerana  kerjanya  yang  memerlukan  dia  banyak  berfikir. Malah  secara  saintifiknya  berfikir  juga  memerlukan  tenaga  daripada  badan. Lagipun  seharian  dia  hanya  makan  pil  spirulina  dan oat. Belum  sempat  dia  memproses  jawapan  untuk  persoala  Ray, suara  tawa  Ray  mengejutkannya.

“ Irina… Janganlah  serius  sepanjang  masa. Sikap  awak  ni  yang  buatkan  awak  jatuh  sakit. Doktor  cakap  awak  mungkin  bekerja  terlalu  kuat  hingga  tertekan. Badan  awak  tak  boleh  suaikan  diri  dengan  cara  hidup  awak  ni… Sepanjang  di  ofis  tadi  saya  tak  nampak  awak  keluar  untuk  makan  tengah  hari. Malam  baru  awak  balik. Awak  dah  makan  tengah  hari  atau  makan  malam ? ”

“ Dah…. ”

“ Betul  dah ? Doktor  cakap  awak  tak  cukup  tenaga. Awak  makan  apa  tadi ? ”

Ah  malu  dia  kalau  Ray  tahu  dia  sedang  berusaha  untuk  menurunkan  berat  badan.

“ Oat. ”

“ Doktor  cakap  bila  awak  dah  sedar, awak  dah  boleh  balik. Kita  keluar  makan  kemudiannya  saya  hantar  awak ? ”

Irina  Tarik  nafas  dalam-dalam. Dia  memang  penat  sebenarnya. “ Saya  diet  lah  Encik  Ray. ”

Ternganga  Ray. Mukanya  jelas terkejut. Badan  Irina  cukup  sempurna  pada  pandangannya. Ada  lekuk  tubuh  yang  menggiurkan  dengan  pinggul  lentik  dan  padat, pinggangnya  ramping  dan   bahagian  atasnya  juga  montok. Walaupun  dia  tidak  sepatutnya  melihat  setiap  inci  tubuh  Irinia  tapi  sebagai  lelaki  dia  tetap  perasan. Itu  lumrah  mereka. Kadang  dia  pelik  kenapa  perempuan  mahukan  tubuh  kurus  melidi  sedangkan  ia  langsung  tidak  menyelerakan  lelaki ?

“ Kenapa  pandang  macam  tu ? ” Tanya  Irina  bila  Ray  buat  muka  terkejut  lama-lama. Ray  geleng  sekejap  sebelum  memandangnya  telus.

“ Awak  nak  saya  bagi  jawapan  ikhlas ? ” Tanya  Ray  selepas  seketika.

Irina  telan  liur  kemudian  mengangguk. Dia  lebih  suka  orang  berterus  terang  dengannya.

“ You  have  a  killer  body  to  die  for. Just  keep  fit  and  healthy  not  shrinking  yourself. ”

Ayat  ‘power’  dari  Ray  buat  wajah  Irina  membahang  malu  tapi  sedikit  sebanyak  buat  dirinya  terasa  lega. Usianya  yang  menginjak  33 tahun  membuatkan  dia  lebih  mengambil  berat  soal  berat  badan  dan  kadang-kadang  ada  waktunya  dia  semakin  hilang  keyakinan  diri  walaupun  dia  tahu  badannya  masih  lagi  berada  dalam  berat  badan  ideal.

“ Thanks  Encik  Ray. I  will  remind  myself  about  that.

“ Awak  harta  syarikat. So  jaga  diri  okay ? Kalau  nak  fit, apa  kata  awak  join  saya  ke  gym  lepas  kerja ? Sarapan  pagi  sangat  penting  dan  makan  makanan  berkhasiat, bukan  tak  makan  langsung. ”

“ Aye  aye  sir. ” Irina  senyum  lebar. Pertama  kali  Ray  nampak  senyuman  Irina  seceria  itu. Dia  yakin  dia  satu-satunya  orang  yang  bernasib  baik  di  ofis  tersebut  untuk  menyaksikan  senyuman  manis  sebegitu  daripada  ‘gadis  unicorn’  yang  seringkali  dikatakan  sombong  dan  tiada  emosi. Ray  terasa  bagaikan  dia  insan  yang  istimewa. Hatinya  berdetak  kuat  ingin  mendekati  dan  mengetahui  Irina  dengan  lebih  dekat. Selama  ini  dia  rasakan  bagaikan  ada  tembok  yang  mengelilingi  gadis  tersebut  daripada  didekati  oleh  mana-mana  manusia.

Mereka  keluar  makan  malam  bersama. Dia  ceritakan  pada  Irina  aktiviti  ‘fitness’ nya. Irina  pula  mula  bertanya  berkenaan  pandangannya  mengenai  syarikat. Sesekali  Irina  akan  ketawa  menyeringai  apabila  dia  melawak. Gadis  ini  jelas  berbeza  apabila  di  luar  waktu  pejabat. Satu  sisi  Irina  yang  jelas  berbeza  dari  Irina  yang  dia  biasa  lihat. Irina  yang  ini  lebih   ‘fun’  dan  lebih  mudah  didekati  walaupun  Irina  masih  berahsia  mengenai  latar  belakangnya  serta  latar  belakang  keluargaya  tapi  pada  Ray  perubahan  kecil  akan  membawa  kepada  perubahan  yang  lebih  besar. Jadi, dia  tidak  akan  berputus  asa!

 p/s: I wrote this last year but didnt continue and now i think i need to restart somehow. masalah dalam menulis pada saya ialah, hakikatnya bila saya biasa menulis novel ia mempengaruhi corak penulisan saya untuk jurnal saintifik. Novel and scientific writing just didnt match at all. When I'm being more into novelist i have problem writing my scientific output. and when i'm more into my scientific stuff i have problem writing a novel. but anyway wish me luck! 

watched this and it makes me miss Adam and Ariana...



your LIKE is my motivation, thank you ;) and press LIKE of you want MORE too :)

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

in the end




From every corner of my life I find this verse is true. It keep coming back to me like a tennis ball in a squash court. The harder i hit the ball, the harder its hitting me back.

I'm not pious, but i'm observant introvert who loves being in her own solidarity. I love God as in every memories i have collected, as no matter how many person i come to love, no one can ever love me as much as the love i felt from God. I might sound like a delusional psychopath, as you might ask, how do I measure God's love ? but deep inside you, you too know when your inner voice speaks, it is speaking to the Owner of the soul and magically magic happen. Your prayers were answered. In many different ways and form. It only needs you to search for the signs. To feel it.

Hows the verse hitting me?

Many people thought the verse is about death. only. but indeed, the truth is in every matter we do we'll return our affair to God. it is something that our body, heart, mind and soul were designed to acknowledge. either you're religious or not.


  • when you love someone too much, you ended up praying to God to take care of that person. 
  • when you have tried your hardest and you dont know what else you can do to make it better, you pray to God to take care of the matter.
  • even if you're a sinner, deep inside you, you feel embarrass with what you do and you did talk to God to forgive you, understand you or change you. 
  • even when you are a rebel, after you did what you did you'll ask God what is wrong with yourself ? 
  • when things go right, you forgot God and things changed bad, you'll still return to God. 
  • even when you're still alive, surrounded by many, you can feel alone and you know the only entity which do understand you is God alone. 
and even when you think you are in the right path because of thats what you were taught of what is right, you'll still rely on God's guidance about this world, this life and about God itself since you know that the holder of the truth is God alone. and the owner of all knowledge is God alone....
kadang
dagang itu bawa tenang
<evelynrosemissiman>


 














Monday, 13 July 2015

Command for Prayer in Quran

Assalamualaikum !

Its almost the end of Ramadan month. I know 'puasa 20 jam' had been quite popular off late. hehe. Fasting in a four seasons countries - the month of Ramadan keep on shifting from one season to slowly routing for all year round. When I was first came to UK to study (2006), it was in fall/autumn/ September and it was Ramadan.  The fasting period is very much like Malaysia then it slowly shifted from Fall 2006 to Summer since 2012 to now (so it took about 10 years for it to change from Autumn to Summer) and it is slowly moving towards fall - winter - spring -summer again. So yeah its like a wheel ! To those left a comment on the previous post, I wish you all the best too! Inshaa Allah. 

(traveler's diary)

I should admit that being a Muslim since birth, a lot of things I practice are actually by 'default' - which means what the society practices are mainly what I follow. There is hardly no question about , 'so what is the source for this practices ? which verses in Quran said so ? and what each words in the Quranic verses mean ? ' 

My Arabic Quran teacher once told me, Quran is made for all. It is a mercy to all humankind. It shall not be so hard to understand when Allah swt stated that it is for all not just for the highest rank of ulama. We just need to make an effort to learn. If we read a tafseer it is like we are reading Quran from the translator's point of view. I should admit that I only attend the class once but yeah I know I should enroll for 2nd level and above now. However as for now I still relies on tafseer and translation) 

(useful link to online translation: www.alim.org 

I do read Quran translation since I was small. There are parts which I dont actually understand. Some people say, better not understand it. but if we dont understand it then what is the different between us and those who blindly follow specifically the Christian (whose bible was written in Hebrew but widely translated into English and Greek, the funny thing I had once encounter was when one Malaysia friend invited me to attend Sunday church prayer I have no problem with that but then I asked her, is she always read the Gospel ? and which one does she read ? She was speechless as not knowing which is which and she dont even know that Jesus is actually from Palestine). 

What is the point I'm saying all this ? I'm not trying to bring her down but I dont want to be in that state of practicing without knowledge. I do know quite well with hadith, but then most of the hadith and Quranic verses that I remember are all for moral basis. What about the basic understanding of Islam such as : prayer, fasting, halal and haram (alcohol, gambling, hijab, sexual conduct etc) ? 

To be honest, living here, you will see a lots of diversion (Abrahamic religions (Jews, Christian (Protestant and Catholic), Islam (shiah and Sunni)), agnostic, atheist, Scientology, Hindu, Buddhist etc) . You will be asked many questions. And all those questions actually make me want to understand my religion more. 

Plus having an English boyfriend who is an agnostic: he believe in One God and good moral conduct but not in any specific bibles. He was raised as a Catholic and went to a Catholic School. He said, when he was 13/14 he started to doubt his religion as most of his questions could not be answered by the priests especially as to why the church make a practice of eating a bread - as a symbol of Jesus's flesh and drinking wine - as a symbol of Jesus's blood. He found it has no logic. He respect my religion but honestly his questions as he is trying to understand why I do what I did sometimes simulate my mind to do my own research and it makes me realize that I dont hold the basis myself. Some people told me to - let him listen to certain and certain kind of people, but if I need to re-direct him to another person to explain to him about why I do what I did, it shows my lack of understanding of my own choice of faith. One of his statement which made me really think is : 
" if God created religion, it must be perfect "

So I read and search more. Every time I reasons, there are parts which make me wonder but as I searched further (especially Quranic language can have multiple meaning for one single word) I finds perfection again. However my other half did not dig in other religions. He just denied the truth of his previous religion. But indeed, he encouraged me to do the Quranic research. Practice what I believe is right. 
[98:5]  All that was asked of them was to worship GOD, devoting the religion absolutely to Him alone, observe the contact prayers (salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat). Such is the perfect religion.
[6:114] "Shall I seek other than God as a source of law, when He has revealed to you this book fully detailed?“
[16:89] "We have revealed to you this book to provide explanations for everything.“
[6:114]"......He has revealed to you this book fully detailed.“


So, I started with the pillar of Islam : Prayer. 

Plus, Ramadan is actually the celebration of Quran revelation. Now I understand that it not just about recitation but understanding. 

My questions to myself are : 
  1. how do we know we need to pray 5 times a day ? (yes, i have Muslim friends who pray 3 times a day. No dia bukan ajaran sesat. I mean in this situation, you will wonder and search for 'why' and am I right and is he is right ? or we both are equally right ? )  
  2. how to perform the prayer ?
All base from the Al-Quran on its own. 

I asked the question in my instagram. alhamdulillah at least one person did answer the question tho :)





My findings are : Prayers were referred as (1) contact prayer (solat) and (2) worship/glorify/zikir; and mentioned 67 times in the Quran (the numbers might be more if I failed to track them all). 

As I read trough, I started to really appreciate the fact that solat itself means 'contact prayer', imagine God is managing the whole universe and in fact human being is just a very very small fraction of the whole universe, and yet God allow us to make a contact with Him. God said, as recorded in the Quran, that contact prayer is for us to ask things from Him, as a way of respecting/worshipping Him, and a way to avoid evil and sins. 

While it is also mentioned so many times that remembering Allah swt in whatever we do is actually far better and more objective - does not mean that you do not need to pray but this emphasize the importance of zikir (the act of remembering God throughout the day). 

[29:45] "You shall recite what is revealed to you of the Scripture, and observe the Salat (Contact Prayers), for the Salat prohibits evil and vice. But the remembrance of God is the most important objective. God is aware of all that you do."

The first 12 sentences in Quran are about how you perform the prayer, the mentioned of the importance of the contact prayer in every sentences, and about remembering/glorifying/worshiping Allah s.w.t throughout the day. 

First 12: How to perform solat: 
       1. [5:6] "O you who believe, when you observe the Salat (Contact Prayers) you shall wash your faces, wash your arms to the elbows, wipe your heads and wash your feet to the ankles." 

2.[2:238] "You shall consistently observe the Salat (Contact Prayers), especially the middle prayer, and stand obedient to God."  

3.[11:114] You shall observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) at both ends of the day, and during the night. The righteous works wipe out the evil works. This is a reminder for those who would take heed.

4.[17:78]  You shall observe the Contact Prayer (salat) when the sun declines from its highest point at noon, as it moves towards sunset. You shall also observe (the recitation of) the Quran at dawn. (Reciting) the Quran at dawn is witnessed.

5.[62:9-10] "O you who believe, when the Salat is announced on Friday, you shall hasten to the commemoration of God, and drop all business. This is better for you, if you only knew. Once the prayer is completed, you may spread through the land to seek God's bounties, and continue to remember God frequently, that you may succeed."

6.[2:143] "We appointed the Qiblah which you formerly observed only that We may know those who follow the messenger from those who turn back on their heels."  

7.[2:149] "Wherever you go, you shall turn your face (during Salat) towards the Sacred Masjid. This is the truth from your Lord. God is never unaware of anything you all do."  

8.[2:144] "We have seen you (O Muhammad) turning your face about the sky (searching for the right direction). We now assign a Qiblah that is pleasing to you. Henceforth, you shall turn your face towards the Sacred Masjid."
  9.[17:110] Say, "Call Him GOD, or call Him the Most Gracious; whichever name you use, to Him belongs the best names." You shall not utter your Contact Prayers (Salat) too loudly, nor too low; use a moderate tone.

10.[4:43]  O you who believe, do not observe the Contact Prayers (SALAT) while intoxicated, so that you know what you are saying. Nor after sexual orgasm without bathing, unless you are on the road, traveling; if you are ill or traveling, or you had urinary or fecal-related excretion (such as gas), or contacted the women (sexually), and you cannot find water, you shall observe Tayammum (dry ablution) by touching clean dry soil, then wiping your faces and hands therewith. GOD is Pardoner, Forgiver.

11.[4:101]  When you travel, during war, you commit no error by shortening your Contact Prayers (salat), if you fear that the disbelievers may attack you. Surely, the disbelievers are your ardent enemies.

12.[5:6]  O you who believe, when you observe the Contact Prayers (salat), you shall: (1) wash your faces, (2) wash your arms to the elbows, (3) wipe your heads, and (4) wash your feet to the ankles. If you were unclean due to sexual orgasm, you shall bathe. If you are ill, or traveling, or had any digestive excretion (urinary, fecal, or gas), or had (sexual) contact with the women, and you cannot find water, you shall observe the dry ablution (Tayammum) by touching clean dry soil, then rubbing your faces and hands. GOD does not wish to make the religion difficult for you; He wishes to cleanse you and to perfect His blessing upon you, that you may be appreciative.

The next 55 are for both contact prayer and zikir: 

[98:5]  All that was asked of them was to worship GOD, devoting the religion absolutely to Him alone, observe the contact prayers (salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat). Such is the perfect religion.
[6:162-163] "Say, "My Salat (Contact Prayers), my worship practices, my life and my death, are all devoted absolutely to God alone, the Lord of the universe.  He has no partner. This is what I am ordered, and I am the first to submit." 
[23:2] Successful indeed are the believers; who are humble/reverent (have a deep respect of God) during their Salat (Contact Prayers)."
[18:27]  "You shall recite what is revealed to you of your Lord's Scripture (the Quran). Nothing shall abrogate His words, and you shall not find any other source beside it."
[56:74] "You shall glorify the name of your Lord, the Great".
[87:1] "Glorify the name of your Lord, the Most High".[73:20]  Your Lord knows that you meditate during two-thirds of the night, or half of it, or one-third of it, and so do some of those who believed with you. GOD has designed the night and the day, and He knows that you cannot always do this. He has pardoned you. Instead, you shall read what you can of the Quran. He knows that some of you may be ill, others may be traveling in pursuit of GOD's provisions, and others may be striving in the cause of GOD. You shall read what you can of it, and observe the contact prayers (Salat), give the obligatory Charity (Zakat), and lend GOD a loan of righteousness. Whatever good you send ahead on behalf of your souls, you will find it at GOD far better and generously rewarded. And implore GOD for forgiveness. Allah is Forgiver, Most Merciful.
[50:40] "During the night you shall glorify Him, and after prostrating."  
[2:3-5] who believe in the unseen, observe the Contact Prayers (Salat), and from our provisions to them, they give to charity. And they believe in what was revealed to you, and in what was revealed before you, and with regard to the Hereafter, they are absolutely certain. These are guided by their Lord; these are the winners.
[2:43]  You shall observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and bow down with those who bow down.
[2:45]  You shall seek help through steadfastness and the Contact Prayers (Salat). This is difficult indeed, but not so for the reverent.
[2:153]  O you who believe, seek help through steadfastness and the Contact Prayers (salat). Allah is with those who steadfastly persevere.
[29:45] "Observe the Salat (Contact Prayers) for it prohibits evil and vice."
[15:98-99] "You shall praise your Lord and be with the prostrates, and worship your Lord until you attain certainty."
[35:29-30] "Surely, those who recite the book of God, observe the Contact Prayers/Salat and are charitable both discreetly and openly can hope for an investment that never loses. He will recompense them generously and will multiply His blessings upon them. He is Forgiving, Appreciative."
[29:45] "You shall recite what is revealed to you of the Scripture, and observe the Salat (Contact Prayers), for the Salat prohibits evil and vice. But the remembrance of God is the most important objective. God is aware of all that you do."
[20:14] "I am God, there is no other God but Me, you shall worship/serve Me and observe the Salat (Contact Prayers) and remember me/zikir.
[4:43] "O you who believe, do not observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) while intoxicated, till you ( so that you ) know what you are saying."
[2:43]  You shall observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and bow down with those who bow (in worship).
[2:150] "Wherever you go, you shall turn your face (during Salat) towards the Sacred Masjid; wherever you might be, you shall turn your faces (during Salat) towards it."  
[7:31] O children of Adam, you shall be clean and dress nicely when you go to the masjid. And eat and drink moderately; Surely, He does not love the gluttons/melampau.
[3:39] "The angels called to him as he was standing praying in the sanctuary: "Allah gives you good news of John; a believer in the word of God, honorable, moral, and a righteous prophet."  
[7:170]  Those who uphold the scripture, and observe the Contact Prayers (salat), we never fail to recompense the pious.
[9:18]  The only people to frequent GOD's masjids are those who believe in GOD and the Last Day, and observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and do not fear except GOD. These will surely be among the guided ones.
[9:54] What prevented the acceptance of their spending is that they disbelieved in GOD and His messenger, and when they observed the Contact Prayers (Salat), they observed them lazily, and when they gave to charity, they did so grudgingly.
[9:71]  The believing men and women are allies of one another. They advocate righteousness and forbid evil, they observe the Contact Prayers (salat) and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and they obey GOD and His messenger. These will be showered by GOD's mercy. GOD is Almighty, Most Wise.
[10:87]  We inspired Moses and his brother. "Maintain your homes in Egypt for the time being, turn your homes into synagogues, and maintain the Contact Prayers (salat). Give good news to the believers."
[14:31]  Exhort My servants who believed to observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and to give (to charity) from our provisions to them, secretly and publicly, before a day comes where there is neither trade, nor nepotism.
[19:59]  After them, He substituted generations who lost the Contact Prayers (salat), and pursued their lusts. They will suffer the consequences.
[20:132]  You shall enjoin your family to observe the contact prayers (salat), and steadfastly persevere in doing so. We do not ask you for any provisions; we are the ones who provide for you. The ultimate triumph belongs to the righteous.
[21:73]  We made them imams who guided in accordance with our commandments, and we taught them how to work righteousness, and how to observe the Contact Prayers (salat) and the obligatory charity (Zakat). To us, they were devoted worshipers.
[22:35]  They are the ones whose hearts tremble upon mentioning GOD, they steadfastly persevere during adversity, they observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and from our provisions to them, they give to charity.
[22:41]  They are those who, if we appointed them as rulers on earth, they would establish the Contact Prayers (salat) and the obligatory charity (Zakat), and would advocate righteousness and forbid evil. GOD is the ultimate ruler.
[24:37]  People who are not distracted by business or trade from commemorating GOD; they observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and they are conscious of the day when the minds and the eyes will be horrified.
[29:45]  You shall recite what is revealed to you of the scripture, and observe the Contact Prayers (salat), for the Contact Prayers prohibit evil and vice. But the remembrance of GOD is the most important objective. GOD knows everything you do.
[30:31] You shall submit to Him, worship Him, observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and - whatever you do - do not ever fall into idol worship.
[35:29]  Surely, those who recite the book of GOD, observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and from our provisions to them they spend - secretly and publicly - are engaged in an investment that never loses.
[42:38] They respond to their Lord by observing the Contact Prayers (salat). Their affairs are decided after due consultation among themselves, and from our provisions to them they give (to charity).
[74:38-47] Every soul is responsible to its doing. Except for those on the right. While in Paradise, they will ask. About the guilty. "What brought you to this retribution?“ They will say, "We did not observe the contact prayers (Salat). "We did not feed the poor. "We blundered with the blunderers. "We disbelieved in the Day of Judgment"Until certainty came to us now."
[74:1-7] O you hidden secret. Come out and warn. Extol your Lord. Purify your garment. Forsake what is wrong. Be content with your lot. Steadfastly commemorate your Lord.
[4:102] "When you are with them, and lead the Salat (Contact Prayer) for them, leta group of them stand with you and let them hold their weapons, and let them stand behind you as you prostrate.  Then, let the other group that has not prayed take their turn praying with you, while the others stand guard and hold their weapons." 
[22:26] "We appointed Abraham to establish the Shrine: "You shall not idolize any other god beside Me, and purify My shrine for those who visit it, those who live near it, and those who bow and prostrate."  
[48:29] "Muhammad-the messenger of God, and those with him are harsh and stern against the disbelievers, but kind and compassionate amongst themselves.  You see them bowing and prostrating, as they seek God's blessings and approval."  
[29:45] "You shall recite what is revealed to you of the Scripture (the Quran), and observe the Salat (Contact Prayers)." 
[3:113] "They are not all the same; among the followers of the scripture there are those who are righteous. They recite God's revelations through the night while prostrating."  
[16:98] "When you read the Quran, you shall seek refuge in God from Satan the rejected."  
[4:102] " ...... then when they have performed their prostration (fa iza sajadu) let them fall to the rear and let another group come that has not worshipped yet and let them worship with you ......"   
[2:239] "Under unusual circumstances, you may pray while walking or riding. Once you are safe, you shall commemorate God as He taught you what you never knew."  
[4:103] Once you complete your Contact Prayer (salat), you shall remember GOD while standing, sitting, or lying down. Once the war is over, you shall observe the Contact Prayers (salat); the Contact Prayers (salat) are decreed for the believers at specific times.
[4:142]  The hypocrites think that they are deceiving GOD, but He is the One who leads them on. When they get up for the Contact Prayer (salat), they get up lazily. That is because they only show off in front of the people, and rarely do they think of GOD.
[5:55]  Your real allies are GOD and His messenger, and the believers who observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and give the obligatory charity (Zakat), and they bow down.
[5:91]  The devil wants to provoke animosity and hatred among you through intoxicants and gambling, and to distract you from remembering Allah, and from observing the Contact Prayers (salat). Will you then refrain?
[5:106]  O you who believe, witnessing a will when one of you is dying shall be done by two equitable people among you. If you are traveling, then two others may do the witnessing. After observing the Contact Prayer (salat), let the witnesses swear by GOD, to alleviate your doubts: "We will not use this to attain personal gains, even if the testator is related to us. Nor will we conceal GOD's testimony. Otherwise, we would be sinners."
[6:72]  "And to observe the Contact Prayers (salat), and to reverence Him - He is the One before whom you will be summoned (for the reckoning).“
[10:9-10] "As for those who believe and lead a righteous life, their Lord guides them by virtue of their belief. Rivers will flow beneath them in the garden of bliss. Their prayer therein is, 'Be You Glorified our God' their greeting therein is, 'Peace' and the ending/conclusion of their prayer is, Praise be to God, Lord of the universe"



Semoga bermanfaat ! Inshaa Allah. 

And some declaration : when I posted religious stuff sometimes the typical Malaysian will go : seesh as if she is so saint ( I believe you too might experience the same thing) but honestly I think that attitude is an attitude of an ignorant. To know why we do what we are doing is very crucial. It is indeed the basis of our faith (or in Arab its mean iman). It is not to show our status of knowledge of course but to understand our own faith and belief. 

p/s: if you have more to add feel free to drop your comment :) I hope this Ramadan bring us back to Quran (the words of God). inshaa Allah.